Cities Are Scary

So some kid got knifed at a school about a half hour away from where I live yesterday. It's aparently non-life threatening but this kid was thirteen. Him and some fifteen year old got in a fight and the older kid put a knife in thirteen's belly.
Insane.
I hate cities. I can't wait to move.

Pain

My wrist hurts. That is all.

...
Okay that's a lie.
I recently started reading a steampunk webcomic (I am a webcomic whooooore) and frankly it's a cool genre.

Please Help-Family In Crisis

A very close friend of mine is having a family crisis. For full details go here: Family Crisis
The holidays are about family. Being with them, getting closer, and sticking together. This is what they're trying to do. Please just read what she has to say.

Murder-Suicide

So today I grabbed yesterday's newspaper to check out the flyer's. I always scan the front page before flipping to the political cartoons. This time I didn't flip to the cartoons. Instead I found my eyes glued to the headline: Murder-suicide confirmed in fatal shootings.
Here!? Here, in my little city, a murder-suicide? This happened last Saturday (October 30th). The police have yet to comment (to the press at least) why this action was taken. It's an odd feeling. I didn't personally know the people involved but what if they used to come through my till at work? If it can happen once it can happen again right?
I'm not sure what to think. When I saw the headline my heart stopped, I sat down and all I could say was, "What...?". All I was thinking was a horrified, confused blur. I guess death can have that effect on people. Especially senseless death.

Halloween

So I completely meant to do a Halloween post but I never did. I'm pretty damn ashamed of myself :P Okay...not really. I had fun Halloween. It's definitely my favorite holiday. I only had a couple friends over but it was cool to have any. To bad it's over.

Now people are talking about Christmas...*sigh*
Anyway, happy belated Halloween. Sorry for the tiny lame-ass post.

Only In Canada...

This is a 'rim roller'.
A rim roller rolls up the rim of cardboard cups.


You use it as is demonstrated here. This is because of, as many of you know, events like 'Roll up the Rim to Win' at Tim Horton's.
I saw one of these today and stood dumbfounded for a moment or two. People make a lot of money off stuff like this.

But hey, now you don't have to use your teeth! (Like the majestic beaver-to quote an add I heard once).

October

Autumn is my favorite season. Of all the fall season October is my favorite month. It has two awesome holidays, Thanksgiving (Canada) and Halloween. The trees change colour, dropping a wide array of red, gold, and orange leaves (as well as any and all colours between) to the ground to be caught up and played with by the wind. The weather is clean and crisp, fresh and bright.
Today was a perfect example. The sky was strewn with light cloud cover, the sun hiding shyly but close enough to impart some pale warmth. The air was clean and washed fresh by the rains last night. The wind was brisk and danced with the leaves in beautiful displays of alternating gentleness and quick aggression.
This is my favorite part of the season. Everything is clear and fresh, the last burst of strength and beauty before winter's death.

50th Post

Wow. 50 posts. Honestly, I never really thought this blog would go anywhere. I still don't have a lot of readers (to the best of my knowledge) but I haven't stopped writing. In fact, I've made it to an alarming 50 posts. I wanted to do something special for this post because it is somewhat unexpected. Unfortunately I couldn't think of anything.
Maybe I'll have a good idea for post 100. If I get there. However, I do have a small present for you people who have stuck in through all the emo rants. It's nothing special but I hope you like it.


This is a picture of my six month old kitten. He was recently fixed but luckily he's still a mischievous little bastard.


This is just a random picture I took of a city bus while waiting for my bus to show up. I don't know why but I really like this picture.


And last but not least: this picture of a gate. I love the way the hedges frame it. Don't worry, I wasn't just taking random pictures of people's property. I actually know the people who live there.

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed it and I'll talk to you all later.

Day Off

So today I went to visit my Aunt and Uncle who recently moved to Duncan. I spent the day helping my Aunt paint/prime some furniture, did some errands, lifting, etc. All through this we were talking and joking which was really nice. My Aunt is an awesome, creative, crazy type of person. She's really out there which has always been a big influence on me (that's right, now my friends know who to blame!). My Uncle told a bunch of stories like usual and we watched the squirrels outside their house. So cute! Apparently they bother some people in the area but we think they're pretty cool. After all this my Aunt made supper and sent me home with a bag of groceries.
The day went by crazy fast, for which I'm a little sad. I've already promised my Aunt and Uncle that I'll be back in December (which is the soonest I'll be able to afford to get out there). On the plus side this means I get to take the train, I did once when I was little I think but I don't really remember it. Plus, travel seems different when you're older. At least, it does to me.
It was nice to be out of the house and not at work.

Magazines

Working as a cashier, I see a lot of magazines. All that's in them is garbage. All you ever see is this, that, and the next thing about celebrities, more than half of which probably isn't true! I'm so sick of staring at mindless crap written for vapid, mindless readers. Worse yet; the (possibly) intelligent people who actually believe the junk written! What's the point? Are we, as a race, so dissatisfied with our own lives we have to read untrue stuff about 'famous' people? Why not pick up a book instead? At least fiction doesn't pretend to be true based on a few sentences and 'writers prerogative' or 'poetic license'. No. It's not real and doesn't claim to be.

There are people who follow magazines and 'stars' lives religiously. Don't they have a life? Apparently not.
I'm so sick about hearing that another celebrity couple has broken up or got together again. I don't care if they cheat. You know who else breaks up and gets together? Real people. You know who also cheats, or has multiple babies, or gets in car crashes? Real people. Do you know who has mental break downs or drinks to much? Real people!
Get the picture???

Not Just A School-Part Of The Community

So I found out a few days ago that the school I went to high school at is likely to be shut down due to 'low enrollment'. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with budget cuts as well, but I'm not positive so don't quote me on that.
It's devastating to be told that the school I went to, that I loved, may be shut down! My dad went to that school!
There should be other alternatives, and from what I've heard there are a few. However, the main idea is to ship all the students from that school to the one the next community over. Never mind the increased busing (and likely busing fees), never mind the fact that the school's too small, never mind that it will mess up the community. Yes, the community I went to school relied on the students during the school year to keep all the businesses going until tourist season. If the school is removed the town will likely collapse.
I am very unhappy about this. As are many others.

For more information please go to:
Save KSS

Update

So for the past two weeks I've been Internet less. I did a fair bit of reading and played a lot of The Sims. Nothing exciting really happened.

I'm getting to the point where my life is getting back on track. I know where I'm going in the near future and I've figured out where I'm going after that.
If you told me a year ago that I'd be working as a cashier at Walmart, living in a not-so-great end of town, living paycheck-to-paycheck within a year; I probably would have laughed in your face and told you to stop doing crack.
But here I am.
On the plus side I move back in with my parents this January, almost a year after I moved out. Apparently they didn't expect me to last this long. I'm glad I did. Now I know I have issues living with more than two people at a time. Now I know I will never, ever apply to be a cashier. Mostly, now I know I can live on my own or I can go to school. Not both.
No, I'm not where I thought I'd be. Some how I think I managed to be where I needed to be.
Yes I know this is a horribly cliched thing to write. You know what? It's cliche for a reason. Almost everyone has been here, except for those who are going to be here sometime in the future.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to go read a webcomic.

Bad Parenting

So the other day at work I was just off my break and heading back to my till. Just past the shoe department was a shopping cart with two young children in it. I'm talking a 4 year old and a 2, maybe 3, year old. At about this time one of my coworkers walked up; she was going on break. We stopped the children from pulling some clothes off the racks and looked around for a parent because we figured they were close by.
I glanced around but didn't see any adults without shopping carts perusing the shelves. I hesitated, wondering if I should call someone (it was the first time I'd seen two apparently abandoned children). We asked the children where their parent was. The little boy said his mom told them to stay there and something about his dad being gone.
My coworker and I decided leaving the children alone would be a very bad idea, and we debated on whether or not to take the kids to the courtesy desk and page for the parents. We saw a manager slowly coming our way and decided that he'd know what to do. So we waited.
At about that moment another one of our coworkers saw what was going on and told us the kids dad was in the infants section, she'd seen him leave. She called him over and my coworker immediately asked why he left his children alone. All I caught was him saying "Oh they're fine, he's a big four year old." Obviously my coworker wasn't happy with that reply, nor was I but I had to get back to work, as I was leaving I heard my coworker explaining how easy it is for someone to just come up and walk away with the kids.

It just goes to show that any idiot can have children. I feel so sorry for that man's children. At least he was smart enough not to leave the baby in the cart too.
Oh? Did I forget to mention he had a baby in a chest harness as well as his other two? Yeah.

Word Of The Day 002

Word of the day: Palindromic
Definition: palindromic, a. of or pertaining to a palindrome; of the nature of a palindrome; reading the same backward or forward.
Sentence: The words 'racecar' and 'eve' are palindromic.

This word has been brought to you by the Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary Unabridged Second Edition Copyright: 1956

So the sentence isn't very well thought out...I'll try to do better next time, okay guys?

Back to School-One Last Time

So it's almost back to school time. Well here at least. I hear that in America people have already started school. Not until Tuesday here though.
Anyway I bring it up because this year is my little brother's last year of school. It's also the second year that I haven't had to go back. Which feels more than a little weird. Namely because I loved going to school. I like hanging out with my friends daily and learning new things.
Anyway there wasn't much point to this but I'd like to wish my little brother good luck. I hope he enjoys grade 12 as much as I did if not more.

"I hope you take a million pictures, not because you won't remember what happened, but because they're a good way to jolt your memory. One day you'll look at a picture, smile and say 'Hey guys, remember when...' That's how all good stories start, how all good memories start-and high school is worth remembering."

Good luck KSS Grad Class 2011!

Word Of The Day 001

Word of the day: Dagger
Deffinition: dagger, v.t. 1.to pierce with a dagger; to stab. 2.to mark with a dagger

This word has been brought to you by the Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary Unabridged Second Edition Copyright: 1956

I was given a free dictionary at my volunteer job (I wanted it!) so I figure this should be a fun thing to do from time to time. Just flip it open, put my finger on a word and type it in here. Yes, I am aware of how nerdy I am.
Anyway, I can also use them in a sentance, or attempt to...yeah I'll do that next time. Until then, see you guys later!

Clawed Talons Shooting up to Drag me Back Down

Hey all! Just thought I'd tell you that despite my (semi)best efforts I'm slowly slipping back into the wonderful, amazing, beautiful, effing world of depression. It's a combination of job stress, money stress, people-I-used-to-live-with-stress-slash-drama. With any luck I'll be able to work things out but if not...well, I'll figure something out. Been here before after all.
Yeah mostly I just want to give you all the heads up if I start being all emo and whiny and junk. 'Kay? Cool.
Night all.
...All likely being less than a handful of people but so be it.

On the Prowl...For a Job

So I'm job hunting again. I still work at Wal-Mart but they're lowering my hours. A lot. I know they're doing it to every one but I really need those hours, especially with what they're paying me.
So I'm looking around the area I live in, with any luck I'll get a job close to home so that I don't have to worry about $60 monthly bus tickets.

I really like the area. It's not as bad as I worried it would be when I first moved.
(Blech, cold coffee). Yeah, but like I was saying, it's nice. Almost everything I need is close by (including two liquor stores...that's not so much a 'need' as a funny coincidence though). And Gambit seems to like it here...my roommate's cat is twice his size, about a year older, and essentially his bitch. My cat seems to have that effect on other cats. ;)

I Just Want This To End

So I'm now having an issue with the people I used to live with. Still. I don't really want to go into it but it's very upsetting for me. In fact it's probably more difficult for me than it is for them. I feel sick, and I mean physically ill, just thinking about it. And instead of talking to me about it herself C is getting other people to demand what's going on.

Apology

Okay...so the whole 'Update Schedule' kinda totally fell through. On the plus side I can probably count on one hand the number of people who read this. So yeah...not a big deal. Nevertheless I apologize if I got any one's hopes up. Doubtful as that may be.

Planetary Ninja Shift

As you may have noticed I didn't post Friday like I said I would. I didn't even post Saturday or Sunday with some lame apology that nobody really cares about.
Do you know why? I bet you can't guess.

I was attacked by ninjas!

There I was, last Thursday, at home minding my own business. It was getting late so I went to my room. I was going to read for a few minutes and then crash. Gambit (my cat) came up stairs with me and headed straight to his food dish. I smiled at him and then turned to close my door. There was a little resistance so I pushed harder and the door shut with an audible 'click'.
I turned around and took two steps before there was a sharp pain at the back of my head. Air whooshed in my ears and my sight went static. I had the vague sense of falling before my eyes rolled back, and my world went black. I don't remember hitting the floor.
When I came to I was in a wooden construct. It looked more like a lodge than anything else. A small one, but still a lodge. I tried to stand but was hampered by rough cords tying me to a chair. I sat still, for lack of any other options, and tried to figure out what happened.
Before too long a ninja (a ninja!) showed up. He (or she, hard to tell with the masks) brought me some food and untied my arms. Then (s)he left. I was a little surprised not to mention put out, but I was hungry. I tried to resist the urge to eat, what if the food was drugged? Eventually I succumbed. Shortly after finishing the food the ninja came back and took it away. To my surprise (s)he didn't tie me up again. Not that it mattered really, I had no idea where I was.
After what felt like hours, which in reality could have been a few minutes, a cloaked stranger entered the room. He (I was pretty sure this one was male) motioned me to follow him. Having nothing better to do, and dying of boredom as was, I stood and began to walk after his retreating form.
We left the lodge and walked through and out of a ninja complex. After walking for a long time (my legs felt like jello, breathing hurt, and I was sweating profusely) my escort stopped and turned to me.
"I can send you home but this world will always have a claim on you. You will never be the same as before." His voice was deep, and rough.
"What do you mean?" I demanded, shaken, "How long have I been here?"
He was silent a moment before answering, "Four of your worlds days will have passed before you return."
I was stunned, it would be Monday before I got home?
As if sensing my thoughts the cloaked man nodded, "It is not an easy journey. Sleep now, and you will awake in your own lodgings."
I didn't ask how or why, I merely let my exhaustion roll over me like a fog.
I awoke, Monday morning, today, at around 6 am. I rolled over, thinking to myself 'What a strange dream'. As I completed a leisurely stretch something beside me fluttered to the ground. My brow knotted in confusion. I didn't remember going to bed with anything. I picked up the piece of worn parchment which had been stained in black ink with the words: You will never be the same.

Okay so obviously this is just a story. I got lazy Friday and Saturday, and didn't even turn my computer on yesterday. But it was a fun story to write. I think I may continue with it sometimes. Anyway, take care all. I'll try to write on Wednesday.

Scars

Going back to Country music for a short moment I would like to bring to your attention that not all Country songs are about dead horses, dogs that ran away, wives that left, and trucks that won’t start. This song I’d like you to listen to, or at least look up the lyrics to, is poignant. I can empathize with this song, or rather, it feels as this song empathizes with me (not possible I know but it’s a fairly accurate description of my life at the moment).
I’ll just include the chorus. I don’t claim this song, and all rights belong to the Road Hammers. (Please don’t sue me; I don’t have any money.)

Chorus for ‘I’ve Got The Scars To Prove It’ by the Road Hammers:

I ran on whiskey, I burned like gas, I went too far, I went too fast
I’d light a fire, just to walk right through it

Busted bones, dreams and tears, tattoo my heart like souvenirs
Love is just a word till you go through it, I’ve got the scars to prove it

So obviously not all this reflects my life but some does, and I’m gaining my own ‘scars’. I’m willing to bet (a dozen cookies) that you all have your own ‘scars’.
Have a good day. See you all Friday.

Un-Blog

I know I said I’d whip up something good for you all (which is probably not as many as I make it sound like), however, I don’t have anything interesting to write about and I still haven’t gotten any feedback. (Oops, run on sentence…)
I could probably fake my way through another music genre blog but I don’t really feel like it. I could complain about my life but it’s going pretty well actually. I could talk about my cat, but my dad already makes to many ‘crazy cat lady’ jokes for my liking. I could dredge up one of my old poems but I think you guys deserve more than that.
So…what to write?
Okay honestly, I’m tired. It’s Sunday night (as I’m writing this) and I had an 8 ½ hour shift at work today. I’ve been awake for 16 hours but it feels more like 20 or 30. I’m going to go to sleep and hope I dream something inspirational because if I don’t this is all I post today…Monday.
Okay no inspiration struck, and I don’t have a lot of time, since I’m trying to keep my cat from either electrocuting himself or wreaking my stuff.

Moving: All Moved In

So I just found out that getting my cat his shots is going to cost about $100. This leaves me approximately $40 until my next paycheck, next week. That has to cover food, soap, etc. It'll be tight but I think I can manage it.
Sorry this wasn't a more interesting post. I'll cook something good up for Monday.

Moving: One Day Until Departure

Okay. I meant to do something else but I'm pressed for time. I still have to go to work for 5 1/2 hours today, and then I have some last minute packing and organizing to do.
I just want everyone to know that I'll try my best to write Friday but I may not be able to. I have to unpack and get ready for work, etc.

I'm still open to suggestions if anyone has any. Take care! Wish me luck!

Country Music

Let me start by saying: this is not going to be a history lesson. I will likely mention a few things that are history related, however, those will be points of interest.

I’ve been listening to Country music (also known as ‘Country and Western’) since I was about 8 or 9. While I tend to prefer the modern Rock influence on newer Country (sometimes called ‘Rockabilly’) I do enjoy listening to older Country by people like Johnny Cash as well.
Don’t quote me because there’s a chance that I’m wrong, but Country has its roots in the 1920’s when settlers were moving to the U.S. from Europe. They brought stringed instruments with them such as the fiddle. I believe they also brought older versions of the banjo (bada-ban-ban-ban-ban-bow) and the guitar, but again: don’t quote me I’m probably misinformed.
Country music led to Rock music (with some help from Blues and a couple others I believe). So whenever you start complaining that Country sucks think about that. I know a lot of people dislike Country but I think if more of them would just give it a try they may be convinced differently. Or not. At least they would have tried though.
Fun fact: People who listen to Country music are apparently more likely to commit suicide than people who listen to other types of music.


I'll try to come up with something to write about on Wednesday. I'm moving Thursday though so I may not have anything up until Friday. Take care, see you all on Wednesday hopefully.

Music

Music is a topic I love discussing. Almost as much as I love talking about books. Music has played a huge part in my life. And-just like my life-my taste in music has changed and grown. I started out being close-minded about music. I liked what I liked and that was all. It took me a while to realize that I didn't have to stop liking the music I already liked, if I started like different music.
My music appreciation goes through phases. Sometimes I like rock, or metal. Sometimes I like jazz, swing, and the blues. I often like punk. For now I like country. However, it will change again. Probably sometime next month.
The point is, there is a lot of music out there. A lot of good music.
I'm going to write about a genre of music on Monday. All suggestions welcome. If I don't get any I'll start with country music.
See you Monday!

A Box Full of Crayons

On the off chance that the few people who read this didn't notice, my blog is rather emo. My main source of angst: my housemates. I'm moving now though so with any luck that should lessen the angst. I felt like I should re-do the look of my blog while I was at it. I'm still trying out different ideas so right now I'm just adding some more gadgets and fooling around with text and colour. Who knows, I may change the whole layout soon.
Wait and see *wink*

Anyway; I haven't decided what to write about next. I'll still put poetry up sometimes. I'd also like to start putting up raves for books I like, and I would like to discuss music. Who knows, politics may even come up. As it is right now I'm open to suggestions. So if there's anything you'd like me to write/blog about comment and if I'm not horribly opposed to the idea I'll try it out for a post and see where that takes me. Take care all.

Moving: Packing

Easily the most frustrating part of moving, I still need to pack. And I've gained more items since moving out the first time. I'm going to have to be really picky about what to keep. And I have 11 days left. Sigh. And I've only done four boxes. SIGH.

My Obfuscating Kitten

So I have a new kitten. He's adorable. He's really playful and hyper. It's cute except for when he keeps me awake.
No he doesn't have a name yet. I'm working on it.

My 'Weekend' is Just Work I Don't Get Paid For

Okay, it's not really 'work', but I'm busy. Today I have to go look at the house I'm moving to, then when I get home I ave to get ready for a party tonight. I'm visiting friends from high school tomorrow, which means I have about an hour bus ride to look forward to. But I get my kitten so it's all good. I'm happy to visit my friends too :P Then on Thursday I have my volunteer job. So yeah. My 'days off' are pretty busy. Oh well. It's good busy.

Moving: The Mental Process

Even though it still feels like things are falling apart, or at least crumbling at the edges I'm starting to feel really good about my decision to move. I need out, and I'm getting out.
Yes I'm still worried that things may be worse. Yeah I'm worried that this is a huge mistake. Yeah I feel bad about borrowing money from my parents for this. But honestly, if I don't leave now I will eventually. And if I do it later it probably won't end well.
Now we all know I'm leaving, and while it's not on the best terms it's on better terms than could be reasonably expected. On my part at least. Yeah I'll probably miss the house. It's a nice place. But it's not worth my remaining shreds of sanity.

Moving Day: July 1st

So I'm moving out. Finally. I'm going to a place south of where I am now. I'll still live in the same city though. I'm moving to a place where I'll be paying the same as what I pay here only there will be two people that I don't know as compared to here with five people that I do know. I hope it'll work out.
I get to see the place on the eighth. I really hope this will work out.

An Ill-Formed Jigsaw Called Life

Right now it feels as though my world has shattered, and I'm trying to hold the pieces together like some ill-formed jigsaw puzzle.
Okay so it's obviously not that bad but it really feels like it sometimes.
-Two of my best friends are dating (I'm worried they'll break up)
-Two of my housemates are dating (If they break up it'll be awkward)
-I'm essentially broke until Friday
-I'm owed about $300 that I'm not sure I'm getting back
-My grandpa has cancer
-My uncle/godfather may have cancer
-I'm worried I'm developing a drinking problem
-I don't feel happy much anymore
-There are more downs than ups in my life
-I can't afford to move out
-It seems like everyone is getting into relationships (I can't be in one)
-I rarely see my best friends anymore
-The first friend I made in Nanaimo is moving on the 1st
So yeah. My life is crap right now. On the plus side I'm getting a kitten soon. I'm really happy about that.

Drowning in Air

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning
It’s not a normal drowning
Like in water,
Or some other liquid form
It’s drowning in shadows,
Drowning in air
It’s a force I can’t fight against
And it’s consuming me

Grow Up

I’m so sick
Of your attitude
Not sure what I did to deserve it.
And would it kill you,
To be civil?
Sure I have my faults,
I don’t deny it
The way you claim I do.

You can’t seem to get your life in control
And it feels like you’re blaming it on me.
Yes I complain, I scream, throw fits
And I know I’m pessimistic-
(realistic)
But is it really enough
To deserve your bitchery?

So grow up-
You’re older than me,
Act like it.
Life won’t always go your way
And you need to get used to it.

Life Is...Livable?

So lately there hasn't been anything to drive me to my computer; angry, upset, and desperate to release my frustration by way of pixels.
I just got paid today so I'm not horribly broke anymore (for now). Because of this I don't hate my job quite so much.
My housemates have been pretty good lately. They still annoy me at times but it's nothing I can't live with.
The only thing that's really bothering me right now is my favorite pair of jeans don't fit anymore. They are too big. They used to fit my perfectly. Also my belt, which I used to only be able to get to the 4th hole (if it was tight) now goes to the 6th, no problem. And it's not healthy weight loss, it's 'not eating' weight loss. *sigh*

I Miss The Slow Life

I work for a large, falsely cheerful, soulless corporation.
I hate my job for the most part. And I've only been there for 4 shifts.

I don't really drink often but I came home after my shift ended and poured myself a quarter glass of rye which I proceeded to drink straight. I felt better after. My headache went away and I felt slightly distanced from my job. This was a good feeling. However, I know it's stupid to use alcohol to deal with issues so I won't do it often.
Apparently (according to my friends who have worked for bigger companies) the self disgust fades after a while. Apparently one day I'll be able to distance myself from work without any help. I hope that day is soon. At the same time I hope it never comes, because that would mean I've resigned myself to my fate (ie job).

Goddamn conundrums...

Mmm...Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

This weekend was a good one.

I found out Friday that my grandpa's tumor was successfully removed and all he has is a bald patch and a bit of a headache.

A lot of things happened yesterday so here's a brief overview:
-I met a very nice deaf man waiting for the bus
-My parents took me out for lunch
-I got to see the New York Skyline (made out of gift cards!) toppled
-I got a job!!!!
-I was given a piece of homemade apple pie
-I got a pair of black, sensible work shoes for $2
-I finally got to drink some of the rye I got for my birthday

Today I went on the Hike for Hospice which raised more than $30 thousand. There was a little rain but it didn't really start pouring until virtually everyone was already eating. I got a free pen and food. The hamburgers were really good.

I don't think the weekend could have been better if it tried.

This Fragile Tower of Sanity is Crumbling at my Feet

So I have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore. I'm having a great day, then I find out my grandpa had a stroke. He wakes up and is doing fine and then it turns out he has a tumor in his brain which caused said stroke. And my mom hasn't told me basically anything, I tend to hear it from my uncle or my grandma. (This happened over a few days)
I had a good day today but I got home and my best friend sent me an email saying that my mom told her about my grandpa. Now I'm worried that something else has happened. For all I know though, it's nothing. Just the stuff I already knew. But she's at work and can't reply to my somewhat anxious email, asking what she heard. I don't blame her or anything, but I'm pretty freaked.
So assuming my grandpa is still alive he has surgery tomorrow. I mentioned this to the people I worked with who apologized for booking me to work then. I told them it was okay and that I want to keep busy.
For that reason I'm thinking about going to F&I this Saturday. But I haven't decided yet.

Scariest moment ever? My mom started crying.

So this weekend my Grandpa had a stroke. He's doing better but it was pretty major and he's going to be in the hospital for a while. I'm so glad I live nearby now though. Before it would have been pretty much impossible to visit him. Now it's just a bus ride away.

Projecting...? Me...? Never.

So I just found out today that two of my best friends are dating. And honestly I'm confused. I'm not sure how to cope with this.
Not only did I never (ever in a thousand years!) picture these two together, I'm not sure they did either. Not really at least.
Don't get me wrong, I really hope things work out between them but if it doesn't I know things will be...difficult. I know from personal experience that dating friends can end up very messy. And awkward. And painful.

Yes I'm a control freak, so something like this coming at me from hell ass nowhere is...borderline disturbing.
My one friend asked if I thought badly of him for it. Honestly I don't but I worry about the outcome of the relationship.
I'm very confused.
It also seems kinda like a jump-in-with-both-feet-before-testing-the-water situation. But I wasn't there so I could be wrong. I'm probably wrong. But who knows, right?

To be completely honest I'm not sure why this is bugging me so much. I really wish I knew. Then again, maybe it's better if I don't.

Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows~

So next Thursday at 3 o'clock (after my volunteer work thank god) I have a job interview. For a candy shop no less! I'm pretty psyched. All I have to do is bring my references.
On another note I have to pay some bills today (they're due tomorrow) and do my laundry. I'd also like to wash my hair but that can wait till tomorrow if I don't have time today.

On yet another note, I'm dressing up as a pirate for Christmas this year. I'm pretty psyched because I'll be making/altering the majority of the costume. That and it's pretty much going to be the house theme. Yay for our Jolly Roger that caused this lovely idea.
xD

*EDIT*
I'm dressing up as a pirate for Halloween this year. 'Christmas' is a typo. However, it's hilarious so I'm not going to change it. Just point it out at the bottom of the post. Like so.

For Everything Else There's My Fist In Your Face

My day has been one big neurotic break down since my housemates left and I came out of my room. This is bad because I've devolved to yelling at a cat, screaming at no one in the garage, and throwing things while yelling about how messy my housemates are. I'm a little worried I'm approaching my breaking point.
I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I hate it here. Not here: the city I'm in. I love it. But here: my house. It has become a penitentiary to me.

I want out! But I don't want to move back in with my parents. I want to stay in the area. Just not the house.

...I think I'm going to go throw more things...

Meaningless Emo Rant

I don't feel like I'm wanted here at all anymore. It's like none of my housemates give a shit that I'm depressed and that I might-MIGHT-want to be included. Anytime I pop downstairs to talk or whatever they are all doing something together. And it's like they can't wait for me to leave. Because of course, they all stop what they're doing until I leave. I'm not sure if I prefer it to being completely ignored. Which is what happens the other half of the time.
Even now my throat is clogged up (and not just because I think I'm coming down with a cold) because NONE OF THEM ASKED IF I WAS OKAY, OR IF I WANTED TO JOIN THEM. It's not difficult. All I need is a few words. Some sign that they actually care about me or at least slightly enjoy my company.

Oh and on top of that someone else may be moving in; Rs. I don't know him and this was basically agreed upon two days before anyone told me. And I was only told because I mentioned using the office for tutoring. But that was shot down immediately because poor little Rs doesn't like his current housemates. Boo-hoo. Neither do I. Doesn't mean I'm going to move in with people when one or more of them don't 100% approve.
And the way things stand right now it's going to be a year before I can move out.

Nothing takes the enjoyment out of life like reality.

Just Fading Away

I'm starting to feel like I don't live in my own house. Okay...so it's not just mine. I have to share it with four other people. Three of which are 'as thick as thieves'. They're downstairs in R's room right now. I can hear them laughing through the floor. It's a touch annoying. It's like all they care about is themselves. I almost feel like-scratch that, I do feel like-they would prefer me gone. I'm kind of sick of them. I mean logically I have nothing against K, C and R are a different story but that's not important right now...So yeah logically I don't have a problem with K but she's super close to C and now R, plus she and R have been doing grocery shopping lately (I like to do it, they don't look for bargains, they get unnecessary or expensive crap, they don't get the right things I ask for, etc.).
Aside from that I now refuse to clean up messes that aren't mine so there's crap all over the place. None of which is mine. I don't really have anything to tie me to this place other than my room. Needless to say it's a depressing situation.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for now.

Bed Is Good---

So I haven't had much sleep the past couple days (Yesterday it was my housemates' fault-waking me up twice after I went to bed) and I would love nothing more than to pass out right now but I can't because I have to do laundry before I visit my parents this weekend. It would have been done by now except R is doing his laundry too. So the moment my clothes are in the dryer I'm going to sleep. I'll fold them tomorrow...
u-u

So Dinner Was A Non-Event, For Me

Today I spent about an hour making dinner. I was thinking, "Hey, it'll be nice for everyone to have dinner together." It wasn't anything super special, just a tuna casserole, but I worked hard on it.
Anyway, I pulled it out of the oven and left it to cool off for a little bit. A minute or two later my housemates came back and I said, "You're just in time for dinner!"
No reply.
So I said, "The top came out a little wrong but it shouldn't be-Oh," I had stepped out of the kitchen into the other room to speak more directly with my housemates. I then noticed the KFC bag on the coffee table. "...Oh, you guys already got dinner. Never mind then."
I was honestly a little crushed. K said, "Yeah." R apologized. I told them it was okay and that they didn't know. I also said that it would keep for a couple days in the fridge. They seemed to feel a little better, at least R did. I don't really think K or C cared very much.
So I got myself a plate and went to my room to eat (I've been avoiding C, we got into a huge fight that I didn't post here, I find it's easier to deal with her when I don't have to deal with her :P). I still feel a little dejected but I know it wasn't like they said something like, "Well since we knew you were cooking Natasha, we decided to get take out."
Yeah...pretty sure that would have depressed the hell out of me. Damn, just thinking about it is depressing.

My Day In One Word: Transcendent

So far today has been the best day I've had in quite awhile. First I woke up around 7:30 (which was a little early but oh well) and decided to go to Chapters to pick up a book I'd ordered. So I fix my hair (which I just cut yesterday) and it turns out exactly how I wanted it too. Then I make myself a cup of mint tea and read for about half an hour and then I go do my make-up (again it turns out how I wanted it to). I got my shoes on and caught the bus to Chapters.
I got my book and then went to Wal-mart (I have a gift certificate for there) to get some mousse. However, I changed my mind and got hairspray instead (same brand and scent though). I thought it was $9 and change but when I got to the checkout counter it was only $3 and change.
Then I went to Tim Hortons (yay Roll Up The Rim!) for lunch (coffee and a turkey bacon club). I rolled the rim but didn't get anything. Figuring it was no big deal I bought a lemon doughnut and a cafe mocha to go. I went back to the mall figuring I could check out the price of a pair of leggings and a tunic-style shirt before I caught the bus back home. First I finished off my snack, and this time when I rolled the rim I won a free doughnut!
Then I went to one of my favorite stores in the mall to look at leggings, etc. In the end I decided on a couple outfits I could make but since I have a small clothing budget I can't afford anymore clothes this month without going over my limit. So I intend to go back next month sometime. After that I browsed a couple more stores and then got on the 12:38 bus home. An elderly man accidentally dropped his groceries so I helped him pick them up (a boy helped too). So then the man and I talked casually until I had to get off. He thanked me again and we wished each other a good day.
All in all I've had a great day that I hope will stay that way. ^^

Life

Who would think
That what once was the best thing
In my life
Could at times become
The worst.
Freedom and independence
At the high price
Of my now fragile sanity.

Stress Level: Moderate

So last Friday I was on the verge of having a breakdown. Not fun.
In the end I went back to visit my parents for the weekend. It was really good to get away from all the stress I've been experiencing lately. I mean, I was so stressed I wasn't really eating. I slept more and more. I basically was hiding in my room because I didn't want to have to deal with my housemates, namely R and C. Honestly, now that I'm back I still don't. I will. But I don't want to. You know?
On a more positive note though I finally got a call back. I have a job interview soon and I also plan on doing some volunteer work in the area. At the very least I'll get out of the house more often.
I'm also thinking about calling another house meeting. The way I see it, we need to have a chore schedule. Otherwise very little gets done. Even if the schedule doesn't help it's not like it'll hurt either right?
Anyway that's it for right now. I honestly hope I don't have anything to write about for a while.

Stupidity Is A Disease. A Highly Contagious Disease.

Today I was out applying for some more jobs. After I finished I headed to the nearest mall to catch the bus I knew ran by there. It was a nice day out which made my walk more enjoyable. Anyway, when I got to the bus stop I checked when the next bus would come. It was scheduled to arrive in about 10 minutes. I decided to wait, seeing as it would take longer to walk home than it would to wait for the bus.
A couple minutes in and an elderly couple walked by with a largish, beautiful dog and two grandchildren. Naturally I asked to pet the dog, they had no problem with this so I got to scratch the lovely, albeit wet, dog. I talked with the little girl for a moment or two as well. I don't really like kids but she was an adorable little red-head so I guess it wasn't so bad. At least she wasn't crying. ^^;; After that they left.
About a minute before the bus arrived three young males (I would guess they weren't much older than 20 each) came to the bus stop. As usual I ignored them because they held no interest for me. Then the one guy pulled some stuff out of his backpack and started to roll what I had assumed was a cigarette. I was vaguely disgusted but it wasn't a real problem. One bus pulled up but it wasn't the one I needed to get home so I kept waiting. Two of the three guys started to head toward the bus but the one rolling something started swearing at them and told them to wait for the next bus. He also said something to the extent of, 'I'm not done rolling this joint!' I was shocked. Here we all were, in public and these losers were rolling a joint of weed! Which they then proceed to talk about, while also complaining about a broken truck.
At the time I hadn't even thought of calling the cops. I was too busy trying not to bitch out these stupid little druggie losers. I managed to control that urge, luckily because they were all larger than me and even though we were in a public place I couldn't be certain they wouldn't retaliate. I just wish I had thought to call the cops. Losers like that need to learn they aren't above the law.
I know there's a lot of controversy about pot. I know some people think it's okay or that it should be legal but I disagree. It is very harmful. Obviously I couldn't really say anything if it were legal, no more than I complain about cigarettes at least. However, at this current time it is still illegal. I wish people were smart enough not to use it but I suppose the reality is, most people are stupid. One way or another.
Myself as well. I don't do illegal drugs but I've done other stupid things, and will probably do stupid things in the future. So please don't get all pissy at me and say that I'm the stupid one. I am one of the stupid ones yes, but not that kind of stupid. Nor am I a hypocrite, I don't think my mistakes are okay, just like I don't condone these other people's 'mistakes'. So no need to get angry with me about something stupid like this.
God I hate people sometimes.

Well....So Much For My Emo 'Aspirations'

The past four days have been really good. Over the weekend my friends Rk and A came to visit. I hadn't seen them in about a half year. I really missed them. On Sunday and Monday we had a dog over. He was huge and really lovable. Even though he woke me up four times Monday morning I was still sad when he left, and I hope he comes back soon. My best friend, Y, came over yesterday and spent the night. I've only seen her twice now since I moved. I think she's probably one of the things I miss most about QB. I was really happy to see her, I always have fun around her. I just wish I didn't have to share her with my housemates. :P Oh well.
I really wanted to go to her place but I hadn't planned ahead so I had to go home. It's probably for the best though. I should keep applying for jobs here. It's only a matter of time before I get one.

On another note I got a new nose ring today. It's a small, dark blue hoop with a ball-shaped fastener. I'm still trying to get used to it, but so far I like it.
That's all for today, and hey, this one wasn't a whine fest. Woo!
Bye for now.

Money grows on trees. Oh wait, no it doesn't.

So today my housemate C got her first paycheck. She went to a store (one that she loves I might add) to buy bus tickets so she could go to work. I worried a little but figured she would be mature about it. I thought this because she owes me more than a hundred dollars, and she also owes all our other housemates money. On top of that she has a credit card that's basically maxed out. All in all she's way in debt.
So. Instead of doing the mature thing, buying the tickets and then paying off her credit card before it accrues too much interest, she blew a bunch of money on crap. Her excuse was that it was her first pay check. She doesn't get paid for another two weeks and guess what? That's when our rent is due.
C is older than me. I would think that she would be a little more mature but she just threw her money at unnecessary crap. I think I'm justified in being pissed. Yes it's her money. However, it affects me too. Am I wrong?

One bad apple...

I'm starting to get really pissed off at one of my housemates. I'll just call him R. He seems to think he can do no wrong. He's always complaining about this, that, or the next thing. Lately, he's been taking his 'bad days' out on me. Today he was complaining about how our housemate C puts a collar on her cat before letting him outside. Honestly though! We live in a city, we worry that he might get lost. R just scoffs, even after I mentioned how my grandma has known people whose cats have been trapped and moved far away. It happens but he's in denial.
It's really frustrating when I'll mention something that bugs me about one of our other housemates and he says something to the extent of, "You should have more faith in your housemates." Yeah. Like he's one to talk.
Now don't take this the wrong way. I don't mind living with him but I just wish he wasn't so pissy all the time. It's really starting to get on my nerves and I don't really think he cares.
I wish there were some way to get through to him but I'm not sure I can.

****************************************************************************
Names have been changed to protect the identities of my housemates

A Typical Day

I lay here, warm and snug, eventually
I gather energy to sit and look at the clock-
Earlier than I hoped, I sigh and rise anyway
Grab clothing, then wander down the hall
For a morning shower.

Exit, warm and clean
Go back to my room, turn the computer on
I fiddle and play, check emails
But before long I leave in need of
My caffeine fix.

Three cups of coffee, black-no sugar,
Later and I’m ready for sustenance
Open fridge door
Nothing’s inside
I guess it’s no real surprise.

Back to the coffee pot
Two cups later
Hunger a distant memory
Venture to the living room
For casual conversation.

No excitement to be had
Nothing to do, off I go, back to my room
After more computer time
I leave again, to be greeted again by my boredom
And snide comments from a disgruntled housemate.

A few moments pass, boredom still holding
A few more comments, before I reply
My sarcasm ignored; the only comment,
“That wasn’t a compliment”
And I wish strongly for a better retaliation.

Before too long dinner is served
Eaten mostly in silence
Except the occasional compliment
Then desert, more fruit than I’ve eaten in a while
Finally full, I mention bed.

Same disgruntled housemate
Replies, “Then go to bed or don’t
it’s simple.” Anger rises again
Before I speak up or out,
I grab my phone and escape once more.

Now here I sit.
Typing out my anger and frustration
He will never know
Even if he cared
Which I’m almost positive he doesn’t.

Blog Numero Uno

I never thought I'd have a blog. Okay, yeah I thought about it but only because I was bored. I never really thought I'd do something like this. Trusting strangers with random stuff in my head. Stuff I like. Stuff I don't. Opening myself to the scrutiny of people around the world.
Be gentle with me?
Haha...Basically I need an outlet. I recently moved out for the first time and have been having some issues with my housemates, finding a job, and life in general. I don't want this to turn into a whiny blog. It probably will turn out like that a lot though.
Oh well. Here I am. Feel free to follow my screwed up (and by that I mean normal) life. Or don't. I suppose it doesn't really matter.